That ruddy faced Santa Claus.

And how did that ruddy faced Santa Claus make his presence felt at our house? Through my ruddy credit card!

Viagra

Viagra...fifty bucks a go! Jeez, that's a stiff price!

Tookie

THE TERMINATOR has done it again. But this time, to my regret, he wasn't acting.

Dummy run

In Sweden, dummies are used to test cars. In Australia, they drive 'em!

Ready, get set, go!

We don't have to win the human race...just save it.

Parking spot

CHRISTMAS is coming and I must ask my local council to improve the parking facilities hereabouts - I'm fed up with that fat fellow landing on my roof!

Cholesterol salad

BALANCED meal: the greasy thing on your lap at a bush barbecue.

To the point

POLITICIANS invented acupuncture. From time immemorial, they've been needling people

Michael Jackson

FOR the sake of innocent young boys, Michael Jackson should be encouraged to perform his 'Moon Walk' just one more time...and stay there!

Give her a fair go

HELP the cause of women's liberation - let your wife do the barbecuing!

Stumped

I decided to trace my family tree. But I didn't have any luck - it was a bonsai!

Ease up on the spirit

THE spirit of Christmas is in the hands of the giver which, if you're not careful, can put you in the hands of the receiver.

Santa and his ruddy face

HOW does that genial and ruddy faced Santa make his presence felt at our house? Through my ruddy credit card!